Kid Games, Zombies, and Terrorists

Being an only child, you develop ways to keep yourself entertained. I had a ton of toys: X-Men, GI Joe, He-Man, Ghostbusters, Pirates of Dark Waters, Exo Squad, and a lot of lesser known toys. Whenever I went over to one of my best friend's house, he and his brother, who had many similar toys, would "play" by banging them together, chest to chest, arms flailing. the image was similar to a caveman slamming two rocks together furiously in a futile attempt to spark a fire. I did not understand what was going on, why they were fighting, what they were trying to accomplish, nor how they stayed intact after long hours of grinding "fighting." They didn't have names, desires, agendas, inventory, anything. They were just man-shaped plastic bricks. When I played, however, I set up intricate scenarios, complete with previously said components (names, desires, agendas, inventory, everything).

In other words, I made up my own RPG games years before I ever knew what one was.

In the car, I'd play another game in my mind. At the time Super Mario Bros. was still a strong column of adolescent pop culture (that and Nickelodeon! Pump Sneakers! Legends of the Hidden Temple! JTT!). As we made our way down the road, I'd see a little Mario-type man running alongside the car. He'd jump from fence to fence, climb hand over hand on power lines, pick up a "stop sign powerup" and use it to hit telephone poles for extra points. After a few years he leveled up and was strong enough to push the telephone poles over and had Spiderman-like abilities that enabled him to stick to the sides of other cars. This opened up a whole new world for him: the entire highway.

Going to the store as a kid was always dreadful. Luckily, I had another mind game to take care of that. Over the course of the two or so hours that we shopped for the week's food, I'd be busy in my mind. The entire store was my playground. I'd pick up cans and throw them. My super strength allowed me to swing shopping carts with ease. Inevitably we'd walk past the outdoor supplies and I'd pick up a rake and go swinging in the next aisle. Everything was usable. Everything was a weapon.

I love video games. I always have. There's a video called Dead Rising that I wish I had. It's only on the latest XBox system, and I only have the last generation XBox so I cannot play it. I have played it at a friend's house and I love it. Did you ever see the movie Dawn of the Dead? It's the same premise. You're stuck inside a mall that's teeming with zombies. Luckily every item in every store can be used to defend yourself. Everything is a weapon. Chairs, CDs, potted plants, baseball bats, shopping carts (!), plates, even cans of soda. When I first played it, I thought to myself:

this is my childhood.

The best part, though, is in a way I still do this. I worked for six months at Sears in the Lawn and Garden section. I was an okay lawnmower salesman. The fact that I had never field-stripped one worked against me because almost every customer was a grizzled old farmer that wanted to know the torque of every tractor or how to remove the solenoid. C'Mon man, look at me. I'm just a punk kid that's been told a very limited list of specs on each tractor. I haven't built one. I just sell them.

On Saturdays, Sears' policy was that everybody employed must have a full shift. In the corporate office this looked like a good way to increase customer service on "busy" Saturdays. In the real world this was anything but productive. While there were more customers on Saturday, the four or five customers would be with salesmen while the other ten or eleven of us would just be standing around. Then every customer that walked through our area would be belted with ten or eleven "can I help you find anything? Trimmer? Chain saw? Something else you don't need?" 's . This does not make for a happy customers.

Needless to say, I had plenty of time to stand around and think on Saturdays. I found myself thinking about September 11th and terrorist attacks. And then I thought "what if terrorists attack us? What if they attack Sears, in Springfield, Missouri?" I decided I'd have to be ready. Luckily, the Lawn and Garden section had much to offer in this way. The little guy in Dead Rising would be right and home here and would be proud of me. I started with the basic axes and sledgehammers, then figured a good swing with a chainsaw would still hurt even though we didn't have any gasoline to fire it up (mental note, buy small can of gasoline to put under counter . . . just in case). Some of the weed trimmers are pretty heavy and would be effective if swung backwards, the engine at the end of a long metal pole. The tillers would be perfect. They're heavy and have a mouth full of jagged tines. I think I could swing one of the push mowers pretty well if I had to.

I may have to level up before I try. I wouldn't want to have a critical failure and lose HP.