Welcome Freshman

Being a freshman is a humbling experience. The first day of high school brings many emotions, most of which are variations of "terrified." Why do we feel so much anxiety on this noteworthy day? Because just months before we were in eighth grade.

Eighth grade. I remember it well. I was never very popular, but I did have a strong group of friends. When I passed the sixth graders (the youngest at the school) they looked at me with a bit of awe and dread, mostly because I was twice their size. In a way I ruled the school. It took me two whole years to earn the right to be an eighth-grader.

Then I walked into my first class in High school. I hoped to reinvent myself as one of the cool guys, giving everyone "hey, what's up?" looks. When the teacher calls roll and starts on the "C" names without calling mine, I begin to suspect. After a little while I was pretty sure of what was going on.

I walked into the wrong classroom.

I gathered up my stuff and ran out of the room, giving the same people "oops, I'm in the wrong room. . . " looks. I did finally arrive in the correct room. I was so late that everyone turned and looked at me as I wondered.

Something deep inside told me they knew.

I forwent the schmoozing looks that said "how you doin'?" and settled on sitting low in my seat with my hand over my face that said "please don't judge me . . . actually, just don't look at me."

Three years of occasional torment found me as a senior. I was both excited and a little surprised that I had actually made it. You've been working toward this goal since you were eating finger paints in Kindergarten. I mean, come on, they make movies about how cool it is to be a senior. In some ways I had lived down my mockery of a freshman year and was moderately (moderately) popular (known in many circles as "That Christian Guy" [close enough] ). Sooner than I had expected graduation day came and went. I was the proud owner of a shiny new high school diploma. The next step came so fast it seemed to smack me in the face.

I became a freshman in college. I went to community college for a year and let me tell you this: it was the best freshman experience of my life. I was still living at home, meaning I didn't have to pay for rent, food, water, etc. My classes were small and I enjoyed them. After a year of community college, I decided to stress out my mom and go away to college. The thing is, some of the classes I took in Community College didn't transfer to Bible College.

I was a freshman again. It was appropriate, though. The experience of going away to college is very deserving of the freshman label. After moving all your junk that you just couldn't leave at home into your tiny dorm room and attending 35 meetings for incoming students and their parents that are designed to make your parents feel better about leaving you . . . they leave.

And you're alone with hundreds of other new freshman.

It's an exhilarating feeling to wave to your parents as they drive away. You've finally done it. You're out of the house, probably in a different city, and possibly in a different state. I remember when my own parents' taillights had barely faded when I was approached by some upperclassmen who offered to drive me to Andy's Custard, the best ice cream joint in Springfield. I agreed hoping to make friends. Several other freshmen were corralled with me toward the parking lot where I could see other cars with "CBC" parking stickers driving away. We got to the guy's car and it was a truck. The other guys piled into the truck bed and I did so as well. As we drove off, I had two thoughts:

One, I hope I won't regret doing this and/or be found tomorrow in a ditch. . .

Two, It only took thirty seconds for me to do something that my mom would have disapproved of. . .

There was no hazing or initiation (those came later), only ice cream. And it was good.

Being a college freshman is a little different than being a High school freshman. It makes some people go a little crazy. They aren't used to having so much freedom. No one makes you do anything. At some point you're kicked out of school for not attending class and/or being an idiot. But there's much more leeway than you ever had in high school. It's the first step towards the "real world" and many people trip and fall. On the other side, it's the freshman that are still excited about life. They've just come from ruling high school and hit the ground running. They think they're pretty hot stuff and try to change the world. This, unfortunately, is mostly extinguished by junior year.

I took a year off from what would have been my senior year. Many reasons found me remaining in Kansas City but the big idea was this: I needed to regain my focus. So I enrolled in a Master's Commission program there in KC. Even though I had spent three years already in college (two of which were Bible college) I was still considered a First Year Student.

I was a freshman again. (If you haven't figured out by now, this is a recurring theme in my life.)

It was a difficult year. The purpose of Master's Commission is to provide a disciplined environment in which to pursue hands-on ministry. There were a lot of freedoms that I was very much used to that I gave up when going to Master's. I won't list them, but one was particularly painful. There was a girl that, one day, I realized that I cared for her like I'd never cared for anyone before. One of the big rules in Master's (at least ours) was not being able to talk to members of the opposite sex on the phone. Going into the year I was afraid that we would grow apart. And we did. Even when I returned it was different. Regardless, I do look back on that year with warm fuzzies in my stomach, good memories and great friends.

I returned to school to finish up my Bachelor's in Biblical Studies. A very good friend and I got a nice apartment together. Because I had been gone a year and was only on campus for classes, I had become a ghost.

People would introduce themselves, assuming I was a freshman.

I did indeed finish college (well, okay, I have one class left to take) and I find myself looking back at my life. I have been a high school freshman and a college freshman three times.

Now I am a freshman in Life. Just as I looked back at middle school and saw that things weren't really as they seemed, just as I looked back at high school and realized that it really was trivial, I look back at college and think:

"I didn't really learn anything."