Just Stay. As Far Back. Against the Wall. As You Can.

After going away to college and then going out on your own, actually coming back home and visiting is a surreal event. It's hard to sit there in your living room and pick up where you left off several months ago like you'd never left. Turning to your old favorite radio station is always somehow comforting. Sitting in your old bedroom, looking at all the old stuff you deemed wasn't important enough to take with you. . . it's strange. Almost unnerving.

Those living room conversations. "So, how have you been?"

How do you say "I'm doing more or less the same. I'm just in a different geographical area."? So you say, "Good." and nod a bit.

Driving around your old neighborhood is strange (Note to self: use a word other than strange for the rest of this entry ... "peculiar?"). I like to drive past all the old places I used to hang out and see if I can imagine in my head what it would feel like if I were still living at home and those places were still the places I hung around. Actually, I can almost do it, but just before that final image forms, it's ripped away and I'm back "visiting."

I think, deep down inside, subconsciously- that is, I'm jealous of my old friends that either went to school near home or came back home after school. I love my hometown. As much as I feel the need to get out there and experience new life in new places, I think this may just be a displacement or transference of the fact that I don't really want to leave. Something that concerned me about my "being in the ministry" is it's so rare that people actually pastor or work at a church in their hometown. Rather you talk to a pastor about what they've done so far, and usually they'll say "1 year in Virginia, 3 years in Oregon, 2 years in New Jersey..." etc. How do you lay down roots that way? Where is the stability?

I've gotten a bit ahead of myself. This was supposed to be a lighter entry (*cough*). So, I drive around and soak in "home" as much as I can when I have a chance. I swing by the "mall" and do a bit of walking around and check out which stores are still open (not many anymore.)

My senior year I worked at a Christian Bookstore in the mall. For some reason, any time I entered a Christian bookstore for the next year or so, I'd get a bit queasy. A couple of doors down there was a store, uh, opening?, where several stores set up for a few months but never made it and always closed. One of the more successful stores that set up inside the, uh, opening, was Rue 21.

If the store were laid out like a giant, square-faced clock, the guy's clothing would be from 6 O'Clock to 9 O'Clock. The girl's, clothes, though, were from 9 O'clock all the way around the clock face back to 6. In other words, yeah, they had guy clothes, but they were only in roughly one-fourth of the store and push together in the front corner. I was maybe 16 at the time and found a shirt or pair of jeans that I wanted. Because it was a new store, I wanted to try them on first. I asked one of the sales girls where the fitting rooms were and she pointed behind her.

If they made bathroom stalls for little people, that's what these would look like.

Since they had just opened, they didn't have any permanent fitting areas, so they had set up a few "booths" kinda out in the middle of the back of the store. I think to myself " Hmm. Okay." (Maybe I said it aloud.) and enter one of the "booths." As soon as I start to try on the new piece of clothing, I hear the door next to mine open and see a girl about my age or a little younger walk in. This is a bit odd to me at first, but I focus on putting on the shirt. Out of the corner of my eye I see two arms go up in the air and a shirt fly off of them.

Surely not . . . I couldn't quite finish the thought.

A sideways glance reveals a bare shoulder. Now, I'm not very tall. I'm just under 6 foot, mind you. Nothing extraordinary. But I can nearly see this girl changing. In the middle of the store. In the bare-bones co-ed dressing area.

I'm also standing in the middle of the stall. It wouldn't have been much effort to shuffle closer to the near wall and see everything if I were of that mind.

All I can think is Who's idea was *this*?

I decided quickly, yes, the shirt (or jeans) fit, and yes, I'm going to buy it. I shimmy back into my normal clothes and leave the poor girl alone. She had no idea how exposed she was.

Or maybe she was busy checking out my shoulders.


FUN FACT: I am actually quite good at skipping.

MUSIC SNOB: Eyes by Rogue Wave (It has a prominent roll in Just Friends!) Also, Hackensack by Fountains of Wayne (Also in Just Friends [a 2-for-1 deal!] ).